When we don't measure up...

Day 3, and a hard one. At least as far as confession goes. So here. I confess: I am jealous and envious of others. I don't know why it is, but I want to be the best at everything. I want to be the focus of attention, the attention grabber. I want to be the smartest in the room, the funniest, the most charming. Instead, I am not. I say all of this because it has been festering inside of me for quite some time and I need to post its ugly, ridiculous face so that I cannot see it and remember.

It's amazing the linkages we find as we sit and think and ask, what's wrong... and why. I don't think that I would have gotten to the bottom of the jealousy and envy problem if I had not stumbled upon a few brief words from a studied woman. To expound: the root of jealousy is fear and the root of envy is discontent. The root of jealousy is insecurity and the root of envy is neglecting to see your own value. There were a bunch of cute quotes that went along with these ideas that I'll go back and look at sometime later, but the bottom line for me now is that I need to see what I offer and I need to be okay with that.

But then I need to change what I see as valuable. Admittedly, I largely consider the large as most valuable. What society tends to deem as great I have also sought to mold myself to. The trouble is how many people, including myself, that this view devalues. I think of value, very much so, according to a Darwinian "survival of the fittest" model. Those that are the most capable should be the ones that have opportunity to enhance humanity. Obviously, there is a spiritual line of thinking that gets demolished by this line of thinking.

The reality is that we are all here for a purpose, and trying to fulfill someone else's purpose will leave you feeling empty and misplaced. We have to work towards not only being in the moment, but in place in the moment. Whoever said, know thyself was declaring war. He was declaring war on imposed, be they inner or outer, valued characteristics. The saying does not direct us to know ourselves up until the point that we feel good about how we fit within societal norms. Instead we are directed to know ourselves as we truly are; yes, in the context of society, but not for its exclusive pleasure and measuring up.

I'd like to help people get through their hard times, and their own poor estimations of themselves. But, I have to admit that I have some work to do, to walk towards the gates of victory before I can say to anyone, "this is the way, walk ye in it." And maybe what I will discover is that will not be my place at all. After all, it is God who says, "walk ye." But I have the desire.

Maybe the next topic ought to be, when desire and experience don't align. Do you ditch the desire? Do you ditch the experience? My guess is that you ditch neither, but rather come to a more healthful assessment of each.

Lord, help me to find love, to find love in You and in people. Thank you.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/envy-jealousy-how-they-rob-us-of-security-and-contentment